This Wasn't the Life I Asked For
by swaggers
Summary: I have no idea of where or when this takes place, but Lightning stops to think about what happened and something upsets her greatly. One-shot


Lightning was strong. Lightning was brave. She didn't look back to the past, just on to the future.

"Serah," The words barely slipped out of her lips. Her sister was crystal. Former l'Cie, big hunk of rock. She wanted to save her. She wanted to help her sister.

Lightning couldn't stand the thoughts of what had happened. Serah became l'Cie, and she was still engaged to that so called hero Snow. Lightning almost choked just thinking about what happened to her sister. What happened to her life.

"This isn't what I asked for." Lightning mumbled quietly to herself. She held a tear back and continued to walk alone. She had no idea of where she was going.

_"But as long as you have a task, a mission, you can go on," _

The thoughts came to her mind as a jumble. Just random thoughts of people, and things that happened.

_"Snow's no hero. He never saved anyone. He just lead around some group of kids like he was. Serah was foolish. Foolish to fall for such a... a moron. A foolish, senseless moron. _

_She never deserved to be l'Cie. But Snow... he didn't protect her. She became l'Cie. Where was he when this happened? With his little NORA?" _

Lightning stopped her prodding and thought. _"But where was I... when my sister became l'Cie..._

_As long as there's someone to blame, you have nothing to worry about." _Random things came to her mind as she walked her way to meet the rest of the gang. _"Where is everyone?" _Those worries didn't matter.

_"This isn't JUST Snow's fault. Its Vanille's too. If she hadn't even woke up, Serah would have never explored the Pulse Vestiges and become branded."_

But then whose fault is it really? _"I can't blame Serah." _Lightning's face looked flustered, confused, full of worry and doubt. She couldn't process her emotions or thoughts.

"This wasn't the life I asked for..." Lightning said unintentionally. She stopped walking again to think about what she said. "This was not the life I asked for.." She said, louder and a bit more confident.

"This wasn't the life I asked for!" She said, tears forming in her eyes. Lightning repeatedly screamed the same words until she fellto her knees in sorrow, whining the same phrase over and over again.

"This wasn't the life I asked for." Lightning stopped her sobbing and pulled out her sword. _"Suicide is stupid, not for the world._

_... But you're l'Cie now. Pulse l'Cie. Nobody wants you here, nobody needs you." _Lightning lifted her sword above her head ready to drop it to her skull, but threw it to the ground in confusion.

"I can't." Lightning groaned. "Not to Serah. Not to anyone." Lightning began to scream in frustration, and her state of confusion made her feel worst. She was soon calm and relaxed her mind. Lightning was crouched in a small ball with her head on her knees and started to talk to herself.

"You're nobody. Why don't you realize that? Give up! Serah doesn't need you! Nobody does! Not Hope, Snow, Sazh, Vanille, Fang, nobody. No one needs another l'Cie recking havoc on Cocoon, so why not quit?"

Lightning pounded her fists to the ground, with few tears falling out of her eyes. "I don't want this anymore." Lightning sat against a rock and thought. Everything thought, every idea, every question and answer that ever came to her head.

_"Snow... Didn't ALWAYS hate him... he was nice, and almost handsome... Serah would have been lucky. My mom and dad, they would have been so proud of Serah. Me? They would probably care less about me. But why? Because I never accomplished crap in my life. Serah made it couldn't I be somewhat like her? _

_Hope... poor kid...never saw what was heading his way... well no one did, but I guess I feel bad for him. With the fact that he lost his mother and he has trouble reasoning with his father. _

_Vanille and Fang... man what would my life have been like if I was born a Gran Pulse child? If anyone on Cocoon found out I would be rejected by everyone... like I am now._

_Snow... I guess I was jealous of Serah for choosing him. Every time I hear his name I think of Serah. And my parents. To have grown up without even knowing them... that must be tough..._

_Sazh... to have my child turn to a Sanctum l'Cie, and later on become a Pulse l'Cie... it must hurt. _

_But I think of it... and I wonder... what if they had my life? This wasn't the life I asked for."_

So many thoughts... all of them in Lightning's mind confusing her so much. The poor pink-haired girl had no idea of what to do. She couldn't think straight.

"Serah..." She said, louder than every other time, but not loud enough to call it a scream or a yell. _"My only sister was a l'Cie, and now is crystal." _

Lightning recalled the things Fang and Snow told her about them waking up, but would it really happen? Would Serah wake up from her crystal status and have her normal life back?

Lightning thought for a while and realized, _"This isn't about me or my parents, or anyone... this is about Serah." _

Should she tell Snow? Should she have helped him get her out? Should she just stop worrying about the whole matter?

"Now this doesn't matter." Lightning said, with her sword in the gun formation pointing at her head. "This should never have happened." Lightning softly pulled the trigger and the last thing she heard was a loud bang.

* * *

_**The end! Completely inspired by my boredom and... stuff.. I made this short story. Yes, she committed suicide and to be honest, I still don't know why. And I made Lightning think about Snow a bit because no matter what, I still think Snow and Lightning should have been a couple. And this was a little one-shot so... hope you guys enjoyed! (Any criticism/comments are welcomed entirely) **_


End file.
